


I've never been this far off of the ground

by Pichitinha



Series: What If [5]
Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, LJ POV, Not Beta Read, Romance, Self-Doubt, another movie rewriting except this time it ran away from me lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26922799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pichitinha/pseuds/Pichitinha
Summary: What ifGen never talked to Peter at the bleachers making the ski trip a whole different ordeal?"No buts!" She wants to protest, but he doesn't even give her a chance to form a coherent thought. "Lara Jean, it'll be fun. It's a nice ski lodge with fireplaces and hot chocolates and amazing ski trails. You're gonna have an amazing time, I promise you."And he's so earnest and so hopeful, as if he really wants her to say yes, that she can't find it in her to explain that not having fun is not what she's worried about, but rather what the trip means, what it usually is, how people view it. What she feels for him and how going on this trip will probably be disastrous for her.
Relationships: Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey
Series: What If [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786567
Comments: 20
Kudos: 155





	I've never been this far off of the ground

**Author's Note:**

> ok, writing was not easy these past few weeks, so finishing this felt like the biggest achievement. like the other pieces in this series this was supposed to be shorter, but i guess i just wanted to give them more moments and suddenly this happened. i'm not sure how i feel about this fic and particularly the end, but i can't see anything i can do different and i think it stands on its own, regardless. it's a lot of romance and fluff and not a lot of actual things happening. i hope you enjoy it!
> 
> title is from the song [happy & sad](https://open.spotify.com/track/04MoJkJzCoU9ukeewv5Vzu?si=0pYrHxOLRvKyUj2LXDS59A) by **kacey musgraves** which i think fits perfectly into lj's feelings throughout this fic and i can't believe it took me so long to notice it (also it's my favorite song from her so go give it a listen)

After dinner at Peter's house, it's like things settle down, in a way. She can't explain, but it's like being constantly around him and holding hands in public or whatever just _was_ . There is no thought or worry about it. It feels natural. It feels _right_.

So much so, that she just lets herself be - lets _them_ be. She doesn't think about _why_ they're doing this, doesn't think about Gen, doesn't think about Josh, doesn't think about her feelings, doesn't even think about what this _is_. Because she's just hanging out with Peter. Constantly. And it feels right, even if it's all (supposed to be) fake.

So when he asks her if she needs him to pick her up at her house for the ski trip, she almost loses her balance on the way to his car. He catches her before she tips forward and lands on the floor, which is a very real possibility. He looks half amused and half worried.

"What do you mean?" she asks, continuing to walk to the car, trying not to look at him.

He sounds confused. "I mean… do I drive over to your place to pick you up and bring you to school or will you catch a ride with your dad?"

"I- I don't- for the ski trip?"

She finally looks at him when they enter his car and his eyebrows are in the middle of his forehead. "Yeah, Covey. It's next weekend, I'm trying to plan it before the last minute."

Her whole mouth goes dry and she can't find the proper way to react. Technically, yes, they're still dating, and that had been the deal - but _why_ are they still dating?

_Fake_ dating, she reminds herself (as she has to, constantly).

"Look, Peter, I never thought-"

He chuckles and it catches her off-guard, then he shakes his head, but she can see in his face that there's more than what he's showing. It's like he's trying to hide something with his cheerfulness - his voice is firm when he speaks, even if playful. "Oh, hell no. You're going. You're not bailing on me."

"It's not _bailing_ , we agreed that I only had to go if-"

"If we were still dating. Which we _are_." He gives her a quick side look.

She gulps. "Yeah, but-"

"No buts!" She wants to protest, but he doesn't even give her a chance to form a coherent thought. "Lara Jean, it'll be fun. It's a nice ski lodge with fireplaces and hot chocolates and amazing ski trails. You're gonna have an amazing time, I promise you."

And he's so earnest and so hopeful, as if he really wants her to say yes, that she can't find it in her to explain that not having fun is not what she's worried about, but rather what the trip means, what it usually is, how people view it. What she feels _for him_ and how going on this trip will probably be disastrous for her.

"I don't ski," she chooses to say with a deadpan face and Peter takes it as banter.

"Lucky for you I am an excellent teacher."

For one tiny second her brain is flooded with the image of Peter holding her waist as he tries to teach her how to ski, and she has to shake her head to get the image out before it becomes too much.

"Okay, fine," she says in defeat and can see the way he grins.

When he parks in front of her house, he grabs her wrist before she can exit the car. He looks pleased. "I'm really happy you're going, Covey."

She can't find words to match the honesty in his voice, so she just smiles and bids goodbye.

Of course, she obsesses over all of it for the entirety of the next week.

Knowing way deep down that she has developed real feelings for her fake boyfriend is one thing, actually acknowledging those feelings is another - and thinking about what said fake boyfriend might be feeling himself based on his recent behavior is another universe of things entirely.

So, yes, maybe he'd been very adamant that she should go on the trip. And maybe the reasons he used were related to her and how she would have a good time. And maybe they've been spending more and more time together just the two of them, when they have no one to be fake to. And maybe he hasn't mentioned Gen in forever. And maybe they have some of the realest conversations she's ever had in her life. And maybe he seems to enjoy all of it.

But, maybe, that means nothing, and she's grasping for meaning between the lines because that's what she does: she reads, she fantasizes, she consumes unlikely love stories because they're fiction and in fiction everything is possible - but not in reality.

On wednesday she asks him why he'd insisted so much that she goes, expecting him to say that as his (fake) girlfriend that's expected of her, that's in the contract, that they have to do it because of Gen.

Instead, he says that he wants her to go, that he likes spending time with her.

Her heart melts and she tries not to think about that for the next two days until the trip.

(She fails.)

As she walks towards the bus on Saturday morning, she's trying both to forget that there's a pack filled with condoms in her backpack (and the mortifying ordeal of it with her dad) and also to calm herself down so she won't raise any expectations.

They're a fake couple. They have to do couple's things. That is all this is. The fact that she likes him is irrelevant to the scenario - a complication on the matter, actually.

Peter is saving her a seat as she walks in and the way he smiles when he sees her makes everything in her head go away for a second.

He's so beautiful.

"Hey, Covey!" he greets as she sits down next to him, kissing her cheek and squeezing her hand.

This would be such a picture perfect moment if they were really dating.

"Hey, yourself. Thanks for saving me a seat."

He knits his eyebrows and makes an offended noise down his throat. "It's a two hour trip, who else would I want to be seated with for that long?"

The word _Gen_ is at the tip of Lara Jean's tongue, but she doesn't want to ruin this moment, even if she's making it more than it is, so she just smiles and rests her head on his shoulder.

He relaxes with a sigh and rests his head on top of hers.

"I brought snacks if you get hungry, and I have some movies from our list on my phone, just say the word."

She takes the words in and notices _him_ \- his hand still on hers and his intoxicating smells and how he he has _snacks_ and _movies_ \- and Lara Jean decides that for that one moment, she can pretend - pretend this _isn't_ pretend, pretend he likes her, pretend this is real and she can enjoy it fully.

"Alright, let's see these snacks."

He moves immediately to the bag that he has stashed below the seat in front of him, looking excited, and she's very curious about that. When he opens it, she can see an assortment of her favorite korean snacks, yakults and everything. He offers her the open bag.

"Go on, I bought it all thinking of you."

"But..." She's in awe. "The Korean store is all the way across town."

He leans a little bit into her side, as if he's going to tell her a secret, "I know."

Her heart quickens and her mouth is dry, and she thinks that in that moment she could take a leap and kiss him right there.

Except the moment is broken as someone clears their throat. Lara Jean doesn't have to look to know it's Gen.

"Hey, you guys," she says in that fake cheer that Lara Jean hates.

"Hi, Gen," she replies in the same tone. Peter barely looks at her and just murmurs hey before taking out his phone. Lara Jean feels oddly satisfied at that.

"I can't believe you're going on the ski trip, Lara Jean! Are you sure you'll be fine sleeping without your dad, sisters or teddy bears? I mean, who will tuck you in?"

Peter looks up at that, frowning at Gen, but Lara Jean responds before he has the chance to. She looks at Peter and barely registers the words coming out of her mouth.

"I think we'll be fine, right Peter?" and she squeezes the hand that's still holding hers for good measure.

His eyes widen a little and she can hear the low but offended gasp that Gen makes.

She leaves without another word and after a few seconds Peter lets out a laugh. "God, you're a legend."

She shrugs and reaches for a yakult, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks. "So, are we watching a movie or what?"

"Yes, ma'am."

They settle once again with her head on his shoulder, sharing his earbuds, and as he opens a bag of chocolate coated sunflower seeds and offers it to her while casablanca starts playing on his phone, her heart soars.

"Thank you for all of this, Peter."

"I told you, you're gonna have a great time this weekend, Covey. Trust me." And then he kisses the top of her head.

She settles into him and tries to focus on the movie. If the rest of the weekend goes on like this, she thinks he might be right.

She dozes off in about two thirds of the movie and wakes up when they arrive, with Peter gently nudging her and calling her name.

They walk to the lodge holding hands and even once they're inside he doesn't let go. He walks her to her room (which she manages to share with Lucas) and tells her to get ready for skiing because he'll be back in fifteen minutes.

He takes her to the green circle trail, the easiest level, and it's already intimidating.

"Peter, I don't think I can do this."

Her bottom lip is in between her teeth and her cheeks are red - both from cold and embarrassment. There are several students in the green slope as well, but there are far more in blue square, and she couldn't help but notice how all of Peter's friends and Gen headed to the black diamond.

He's right by her side but he gets even closer and holds both of her shoulders. He looks warm and carefree. "Of course you can, I'm gonna help you through it. I promise it's not as hard as it seems."

She’s still not convinced. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to the black diamond? I'll just go inside and read or something."

His face becomes despondent for a second before he's back to carefree. "You don't have to ski if you don't want to, Covey, but I really think you'll like it. Please?"

And god, it's like he really wants her to stay. Like he'd really rather spend this time with her in the kid's playground instead of with his friends - and Gen - in the amusement park.

"Ok. I just… I don't wanna embarrass myself," she admits in a low voice.

He laughs but surprises her with a hug. It's tight and warm and she never wants to let go. "You won't. First of all, everyone was a beginner once and went through this, falling is part of it, like when you're learning to ride a bike. Second, look at everyone else here. They aren't nailing it but they're having fun. That's all there is to it."

She takes a deep breath. "Okay. Peter Kavinsky, teach me how to ski."

Apparently there's a lot of _not skiing_ when learning how to ski, but that's okay. Peter teaches her how to put on the skis, what movements to make, how to hold herself - and he does, indeed, hold her waist as he does so, just like she'd imagined a week ago. She has a feeling he doesn't need to, or at least that he lingers for longer than necessary, but she's not complaining.

He's all smiles and warm looks, and they goof around the whole time. When they finally go out for her first real try, he's right by her side, and even though it's slow and short, barely skiing at all, she feels like she's on top of the world when he skis in front of her and hugs her again.

They spend hours in there, just the two of them in their own world as other people go on with their own pace and ways. She makes quite some progress, fairly good at controlling the speed and movements, enjoying the feeling of freedom and even the cold air on her face.

They only stop when they get hungry and end up meeting Peter's friends when they go into the cafeteria for some late lunch.

He sits by her side the entire time, arm looped around her waist even when no one seems to be paying them any attention. She cuddles into his side and tells herself it's just because he's warm.

"Ready to head back out?" he asks when everyone starts dispersing.

"I'm actually pretty beat," she says apologetically. "I had a lot of fun, I really did, but I'm really tired. You know I'm not the most athletic person."

She's telling the truth and she thinks he can see that, because his eyes soften. "Yeah, skiing can be a lot, especially if you're not used to it. You were amazing though." She rolls her eyes. "I'm serious! That's a very good progress for the first time. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

She nods. "I did. But now I think I'm gonna find some of that hot chocolate and fireplaces you mentioned?"

He laughs. "Sure. Let's go."

"Hey, no. Why don't you go to the black diamond now?"

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" He knits his eyebrows in mock offense.

"No!" she giggles. "But I know you love skiing and that you'd like to go. I'll read my book for a few hours and you go enjoy skiing with your friends for a bit."

"But we'll meet up afterwards?" he asks eagerly.

Warmth spreads through her chest. "Oh, yeah, if you'd like to, of course."

He rolls his eyes. "Yes Lara Jean, I would very much like to. Okay, so, meet me at the hot tub in the east wing of the second floor at seven?"

She has no idea where that is and actually she didn't even know the place had a hot tub, but she nods nonetheless. "See you there."

Before he leaves, he kisses her forehead. "I'll be waiting, Covey."

She feels the ghost of his lips on her forehead for the rest of the afternoon. Try as she might, for the first time ever, she simply can't immerse herself in her book, thinking about Peter's warm eyes, easy smile and the way he made it clear that he wanted to spend time with her.

After a couple of hours with very slow progress, she gives up on trying altogether when she realizes she's reading the same paragraph for the fifth time and not processing any of the words. She decides to go in search of the hot tub just to be sure she knows where it is so she won't be late. It takes a little walking around and getting lost, but soon she spots it, out in the cold, and that's when two things hit her: first, it's a _hot tub_. Just the mere image of it, empty, is already intimate.

Secondly: she does not have a bathing suit with her.

She hurries back to her room, trying to figure out what she could possibly wear, but she's ambushed by Gen as soon as she turns the first corner.

"Hi, Lara Jean." Her voice still holds that annoying fake cheer, almost taunting, and she has that characteristic Gen look where it's like she's plotting something devilish. She's still in ski gear, covered in snow, like she just came back inside.

"Hi, Gen. Have fun at the slopes?" If Gen will be all fake-sweet, so will she. She's meeting Peter in the hot tub in less than an hour, she's in too good of a mood to let Gen ruin it.

"Oh, loads. I am a great skier. You know, me and Peter were always an attraction when we skied together."

"Peter and I," she corrects instead of taking the bait. "Sorry things changed this year and he couldn't ski with you."

Gen shrugs and lets her smile grow in a sly way. "Well, we just had an amazing afternoon, thank you for lending me your boyfriend."

"He's his own person Gen, I don't have ownership over him." She says both to Gen and to herself - even if Peter had spent the afternoon with Gen, he's allowed to. They're not even actually dating. She has no right to be upset. "I'm glad you had a good time together."

"Oh, I always know how to give him a good time, Lara Jean." She winks and Lara Jean almost bites her own tongue. "Let him know that if he wants company once it's your bedtime, I'll be available. He knows what's my room."

Lara Jean can feel her blood starting to run hot, but she won't give Gen the satisfaction of knowing that. Not today, not now. "Oh, I will make sure to give him the choice."

Gen's already waving goodbye with that wicked grin on her lips. "Bye, Lara Jean. Have fun with your book!" she says before leaving, turning fast and purposefully letting the tips of her hair hit Lara Jean on the face.

Trying to block Gen from her mind is harder than it should be, but she tries her best as she runs through all of her things - and even Lucas' - in an attempt to find something that one could possibly wear in a hot tub. With their fake boyfriend. Who they're possibly in love with. Who may or may not have just spent the entire afternoon with their ex.

It's a complicated scenario and without a bathing suit there really isn't anything that she could possibly wear, so she just puts on her leggings, tank top and a sweater, and worries all the way over there that this could be what breaks the spell that she feels like they are under, that he'll just think she's ridiculous. 

Gen probably has a bathing suit.

She shakes her head to dissipate those thoughts. She's a few minutes late so he's already in the tub when she arrives, bare chested on the hot water, wet hair falling on his forehead. She forgets how to breathe for a second.

His face splits into the biggest smile when he finally sees her walking over the opposite edge.

"Thought you weren't coming!" he jokes, but she can see he is actually relieved she's there. She still can't believe it, how eager he is to spend time with her.

This has to be more than what she'd been trying to convince herself. This whole trip, the bus, the snacks, a _hot tub_. Her heart hammers against her ribcage as she lets herself actually consider the possibility that Peter Kavinsky might like her back. She tries to block the voice telling her that it's just wishful thinking.

"Oh, no, sorry, I just got caught up looking through my clothes."

At the mention of that his eyes scan the entirety of her body and notice what she's wearing. She feels oddly exposed under his gaze even though she's fully covered. "Uh… that's not exactly water wear." Then his eyebrows raise as if he realizes something. "Damn, is a hot tub too much? I didn't even think- we can go inside if-"

She's shaking her head as she sits on the ledge of the tub and soaks her feet in, the bottom of her leggings getting wet. "No, I just forgot to bring a bathing suit," she explains shyly and he visibly relaxes. "This is the best I could come up with."

"Well, you look great." He has those warm eyes again and it suddenly feels like the few feet between them are simply too much. "But we can go inside in that case, I don't want you-" and he stammers as she removes her sweater and starts walking in, his eyes widening. "- getting your clothes all wet. Which you just did."

She shrugs and moves swiftly towards him, trying to convey a confidence that she isn't sure she feels, and observes how his eyes travel all over her body until they lock on her own eyes, right in front of him.

"Just clothes. They'll dry."

He nods still maintaining eye contact. His lips are slightly parted in bewilderment, and then he licks them quickly, immediately sending a thrill down Lara Jean's spine.

"So, enjoying yourself so far?" he asks in a much lower voice than they've been using, as if this is now completely private.

Just for her.

"Yeah," she tries to respond in kind but it comes out as a whisper, her breath suddenly much quicker. "Very much so."

"Good." He touches her arm very softly and his wet fingers raise goosebumps on her skin. He slides them all the way down until he's holding her hand and toying with her fingers, all the while maintaining eye contact. "Come closer?" he asks, more like a plea.

She gulps and moves the slightest bit forward even as she asks, "why?"

The tiniest bit of air leaves his nose and his eyes sparkle in amusement. "Because it'll be easier to kiss you."

She thought that in the event that something were to happen today, they'd beat around the bush longer, so she gasps at his earnest words. "Kissing is not part of the contract," she says like an idiot, when all she actually wants is to just kiss him.

He doesn't bite it though. He looks very determined. "Not the fake dating one, no."

"Is there another?"

"I drafted a non-fake dating one," he jokes, pulling slightly on her wrist, trying to get her closer. "Everything is pretty much the same except I get to kiss you and be honest about how I feel."

It's like his words are grasping on her skin. "Peter..."

"Lara Jean, you can't tell me you don't feel this."

_He feels it too_ , is all she can think. He wants to kiss her. He's looking at her like there's no one else in the world.

She's nodding eagerly. "I do, I feel it."

"I've been flirting like crazy with you, you noticed right?" She hasn't, but she nods yes regardless. "I thought this trip would be the perfect time to make this real. What do you think?"

She finally moves closer and touches his chest with her free hand. "I think you should kiss me."

Smiling, he reaches behind her waist and brings her to his lap, swallowing her surprised squeal with his lips.

She's not prepared for the overwhelming feelings that she gets.

Like how perfectly she fits against him, on his lap, with his hands holding her close - one on her waist and another up on her neck.

Or how soft his hair is against her fingers where she's toying with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Or how strong his chest is, giving her a sense of security and arousal as it damps the upper part of her tank top.

Or how lovingly he's kissing her, like he's got all the time in the world and wants to enjoy this for as long as possible.

Or how he's giving her all the power to guide what they're doing, how far they're going.

Or how he's making some low, delicious sounds against her lips.

They break apart when they're both out of breath and she can't open her eyes, afraid that it'll all be a fantasy, even though she can feel his breath on her face and his fingers dancing on her skin.

"There's no one like you, Covey," he whispers against her lips as he gives her another quick kiss and she finally opens her eyes to find his, looking at her with happiness and warmth, like it's been all day.

And this is all she wants, all she's wanted for a while if she's willing to be completely honest with herself, and maybe because of that, instead of sinking into this dream, she actually snaps out of it, and the words run out of her mouth before she can even process them, "Gen wanted me to tell you that she's available in her room if you want."

Peter looks terribly dazed for several moments, like he was just hit. "Wait, what?"

"I ran into her earlier, and she said-"

"I heard what she said, I'm just- why are we talking about Gen?"

_Because I'm scared_ , she doesn't say, even though she probably should. Because this is just too good to be true, the whole day has been, and she has no idea why she even is in this hot tub kissing him when she knows that these things are not supposed to happen in reality.

Even if he basically just said he has feelings for her. Even if he's been acting like it. Even if she desperately wants it to be true.

"Because it's Gen," she says because that should encompass everything.

He blinks, still puzzled, and then just shakes his head. "Uh, okay, so now that I know where Gen is for whatever reason, can we come back to _this_?" He squeezes her for emphasis.

She can't let it go. "Don't you… want to go?"

He still looks completely lost. "Go where?"

"To Gen?"

It takes one second but he bursts out laughing. She doesn't like the feeling she gets in her stomach at that, and he must notice, because he softens his laugh and gives her the most tender look, his hands soothing her.

"Lara Jean, what kind of guy do you think I am, to be here with you right now, like this, if I wanted another girl?" He waits, as if he wants an answer, but she's all out of words. "I want _you_."

She blinks. "You do?"

He rolls her eyes in amusement. "Were you here just five minutes ago when we talked about our feelings and then kissed? I'm pretty sure you were here."

She blushes and avoids his gaze. "Of course, but-"

He kisses her again, strong and passionately, and she loses her train of thought. "Covey, you have to know that I like you. I have _not_ been subtle. Tell me you know."

She shrugs in embarrassment. "I noticed things have been different and all..."

"God, you are the cutest person on the planet." His voice is full of adoration and he squeezes her sides for good measure. It sounds like he's almost giggling and she manages to giggle a bit, too. "You came on this trip, skied with me, came to the hot tub, sat on my lap and _kissed_ me, all the while thinking I wanted someone else?"

"Well, when you put it like _that_ !" He laughs and she does, too, but she wants him to know she's not that blind. "But that's not..." she looks down again as her laughing subsides and sighs, looking for the right words to say _I'm actually a coward_. "I don't know. I felt… I like you," she declares even though at this point it's fairly obvious he knows. He still smiles wide. "And I obviously felt something. Between us. And of course I considered the chance..." she takes a deep breath and he squeezes her side encouragingly. "But I just kept telling myself to snap out of it because I was obviously imagining it or making too much of it, and you liked Gen, and this would never happen, and it was just easier to be prepared for it. Because if that was the case then you wouldn't be leaving. Because I had never let you in."

He touches her face and forces her to look at him again, his eyes open and understanding. His voice is softer than she's ever heard it before when he asks, "Let me in?"

She pulls him in for another kiss in lieu of a response.

They spend hours in the tub, kissing and nuzzling and making out. Lara Jean learns more about her desires and her feelings in those couple of hours than she has before in her entire life. She loves how tender Peter is with her, soft hands and delicate lips, even when they let things heat up and he pulls her closer and kisses her more passionately, he's still respectful.

Her fingertips are beyond wrinkled by then and she can feel that his are too as he runs them over her arms and behind her neck. Once she starts shivering and can't ignore the cold on the part of her body that isn't in the warm water, he pulls her closer in a hug and rests his head on her shoulder, his nose caressing the skin of her neck.

"You cold, Covey?"

His breathy words send shivers down her spine but that's the type of chill she doesn't mind.

She nods slightly and gives an embarrassed little laugh, "Very."

He chuckles and gives her neck one final kiss which makes her eyes close in wonder before pulling them apart and signalling for her to get up.

"Ok, let's get you inside where it's warm."

He dries her out with his towel - something she didn't even consider bringing outside with her - before drying himself, which is insane because he's literally wearing swim trunks and must be freezing, but he just kisses her nose when she tells him that as he continues wrapping her up like a burrito. _Like I'm gonna let my girlfriend freeze_ , he murmurs before getting the towel back and helping her into her sweater. Her heart beats loudly and she's glad he's no longer touching her at that point because she's sure it reverberates through her entire body. _Girlfriend_. It seems like the obvious conclusion to this whole ordeal, but they haven’t explicitly talked about it.

"So, girlfriend?" she asks once he's back on his robe and reaching for her hand to hold as they walk back inside. Her voice is small and shy and she isn't even sure he hears it.

He gives her the biggest grin and pulls her in front of him once they're inside, and she can feel her shoulder relaxing at the warm atmosphere. With her hands on his he pulls her closer and kisses her forehead, which she didn't know until that trip that it was something she really liked.

"I'd get you flowers and ask properly, but I don't think I can get them while we're here and there's no way I'm waiting until we get back to make this official."

Her cheeks hurt with how wide she smiles and he looks about the same. She shakes her head, "I don't need flowers." Then she reaches up on the tip of her toes and kisses his chin, watching his eye grow a bit wide in surprise before she kisses his lips briefly.

He sighs when they part and pulls her in for a hug, which she's learning she absolutely loves - he's taller and bigger than her and he envelopes her like a giant teddy bear, his chest a perfect resting place for her head. She can't help but think about how it would feel to cuddle with him like this on a couch or a bed. Her stomach flips as she realizes that that's possible now.

"I just have one more thing I have to do so we can have a clean start," he says with his chin resting on her head, voice almost guilty. She knows what it is.

"Gen?"

He pulls away just enough to look at her and nods apologetically. "Yeah. Please understand-"

She doesn't let him finish. "I do. You left the door open and now you need to close it."

He breathes out, relieved. "Yeah. Come with?"

She knits her eyebrows. "To see Gen? Now?"

"Lara Jean, I want this." He gestures between the two of them. "I want this and I don't want to wait, we've waited long enough."

She's touched by the emotion in his voice, his desperate eyes, "Okay."

They walk in silence, her hands wrapped around his arm, and she doesn't ask how he knows Gen's room - she had said he did, she probably told him earlier when they skied.

She can't help but ask, because it feels like this is part of this clean start, "Did you ski with her today?"

He shakes his head, "No. She came up to where I was skiing with the guys and stayed close all afternoon. All but yelled her room number at some point. But we never even said hi."

She feels bad that knowing this makes her feel good, and she weirdly feels bad for Gen, too, that she lied about it, like she needed it to be true. She squeezes his arm and they go on quietly until he stops in front of a door. She drops his arm and takes a step to the side as he knocks.

Gen opens the door in a few seconds, and Lara Jean sees almost in slow motion how she raises one of her eyebrows and gives him a sly smile right before noticing Lara Jean right by his side, how her smile disforms like she just ate something sour.

"Hi, Gen," Peter says stoically. "Can we talk?"

Gen's eyes move between the two of them several times before she clicks her tongue and crosses her arms. "Are you threatened by me, Lara Jean?" is what she has to say instead, and Lara Jean freezes, her eyes widening.

"Leave Lara Jean out of this," Peter says before she can even process it properly, his voice not so passive anymore. "I just want to make things right."

She rolls her eyes. "How about you come in and we can discuss what _making things right_ really means?"

He just sighs and reaches for Lara Jean's hand, taking that step closer to her again. From the corner of her eye she can see Gen letting her guard down for a second, a dejected look on her face that seems really sincere, before she builds up her mask again into her superiority pose.

"You know what, I tried." He sounds dejected too, tired. Lara Jean knows that they have history and that to him Gen isn't the horrible person that she knows all the time. He probably really wanted to make things right, properly, and it saddens her that he can't. "I wanted to close this on good terms, but if you're gonna act like that, fine. I'm with Lara Jean now and we are really happy. That's how it is, whether you like it or not. Stop meddling, stop bothering her and stop trying to play with me. It's not cute, Gen."

It takes several seconds for Gen to react, but eventually her lips shape what she can only describe as an angry pout, falling right into what Lara Jean views her as, someone spoiled, used to getting what they wanted. "Fine, whatever. Enjoy your abstinence." Then she slams the door on their faces.

"Come on, Covey." He starts walking pulling her along with his hand. "Let's get back to our rooms."

Lara Jean hates that this is how things are officially starting when not too long ago they had such a magical time together in the hot tub - such a magical day, actually. When they reach the top of the stairs to their floor, she tries to part to go to her room, knowing that his is on the other direction and that he's frustrated with how things went. Maybe he needs some space. Maybe she does, too.

He's having none of it, though. He keeps her hand grasped on his and moves towards her and her room, giving her a reassuring smile, and she can't help but reciprocate, her heart calming down the slightest bit.

"I know this isn't ideal but, just don't worry about Gen, ok?" he asks as her room is fast approaching. "Don't about her, or what she said, or whatever she may do. I want to be with _you_." He boops her nose and it lightens the mood as she giggles making him smile. "Our relationship is ours and ours alone, it'll go on its own way and its own pace, which matters only to you and me, ok?

She turns to him and envelopes his waist, which brightens him up. "Ok. You and me."

He nods and leans down, framing her face with both his hands before giving her an impassioned kiss. "Goodnight, girlfriend," he murmurs into it.

She giggles against his lips. "Goodnight, boyfriend."

He doesn't turn around until she closes the door.

She takes a quick shower and gets ready for bed, and just before she closes her eyes, her phone pings.

It's an instagram post from Peter, a photo he probably took while she was distracted trying not to fall off the skis. She's laughing in it, cheeks red from the cold air.

_best day with this one_ ❤️ _#mygf_

She tries to bite down the big smile on her face, but fails, that amazing feeling of being wanted and liked blanketing over her and leading her to sleep. She likes the picture and comments just before locking her phone and closing her eyes.

_The bestest_ 😍🥰❤️

**Author's Note:**

> all right! for the first time i actually have something about the fic to say in here, and that is: gen. i am obsessed with gen as a character bc i think she has such potential for an amazing arc. we see a bit of her struggles later on and it's so easy (at least for me) to trace a path of "recovery/redemption for her, thinking about her getting therapy and recognizing her own destructive behavior (both with herself and others) and realizing that it doesn't have to be like this, she doesn't have to protect herself by hurting others, and finally healing and becoming a better person and feeling bad for what she did as a teenager. but, that being said: this fic is before anyone sees all of that, even us, and i just let a little bit of her insecurities show, but at this point she's still the mean girl stereotype. i'm not a fan of gen being a bad character, but i think that for this moment that's what she needed to be.
> 
> now onto the normal notes, i hope you enjoyed this and that you'll take some time to leave a kudo and/or a comment! if you like my stories you can subscribe to my profile to get notifications when i post something, and you can [follow me on tumblr](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) and let me know you'd like me to tag you whenever i have something new! as always you can find all of my other covinsky stories by [clicking here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pichitinha/works?fandom_id=42699070).


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